about me

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Married to Nick for 13 years, with 2 children; Sabrina - 12 and Dominic - 11. I am a girlfriend through and through in that I love girly things and anything that celebrates the essence of being a woman. I love vintage, shabby chic, the country and try my best to do my bit for the environment. SO yes...we have 3 bins in our house and try our best to recycle! I believe that with everything in life, the closer we stick to nature, the better off we'll be. I would love to have a balance in life, but have learnt that balance is not always possible, so strive for significance instead, in the hopes that that will be just as meaningful, and the rest will hopefully follow.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Knowing that silence is golden...

Ok I seriously don’t know when the talking stopped, but it did. And when I realized it had, I looked back, and I felt as though I had gone to bed one night in January, and woken up like a month later, thinking "OMG…it’s February, while I was sleeping..” I felt like I’d missed a few weeks, or been on holiday, or even worse …woken from a coma…. All because my head has never felt so vacant..and quiet…almost as if nothing, and I mean NOTHING was happening inside it…and in our world..that’s not a good thing, and if you break it down even further to the world of the female..it’s SERIOUSLY not a good thing, as in….....you must be dead!!!

So in desperation, I even ask my husband….”Babe, where have I been?”..and he’s like “??????????????...um…what do you mean ..where have you been???…HERE????”. Ok in his defense, there isn’t a male ALIVE who would know what to do with a question like that, - they barely manage the straightforward ones like “Does my bum look big in this”…(ok bad example because that question is a MINEFIELD, but you know what I mean).

The fact is I am in conversation with myself ALL the time, about EVERYTHING, and ANYTHING. I visualize, strategise, agonize, analyze, ‘post mortem’ the day, reassess, preempt…blah blah blah..and so it goes, and I never, ever stop. So needless to say I was extremely rattled when it suddenly dawned on me one Sunday after chatting to Andrea on the phone, that everything had gone absolutely silent in my head…as in you could hear a pin drop. The scary thing is it had been like that for weeks, and I hadn’t really noticed, but when I did, I was thinking….”?????????!!!!!!!” ..what!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? And because I'm someone who is ALWAYS analyzing where I'm at, I could feel something was different....

It’s been quite a thing….I rely on these conversations for so many things! I’m my sounding board, I listen to my intuition all the time, I let me know when I’ve crossed the line, I talk myself in and out of things, I can tell myself anything, I enjoy my own company, I’m happy with me, heck I even LIKE me…"I" and "me" even have the same taste in books”!! ..and so this is where I was until yesterday…wondering what was going on in my head AND MY LIFE!!!..because this critical part of ME had changed, and I wanted it back! Some people wake up and can’t move their legs…I was feeling the same. But blessed as I am to have the sisters I do in my life, Andrea said something profound that took me one step closer to calm…her theory was that maybe I had found …PEACE…something that she so rightly said, so many people don’t have in their lives. For me, that was an “AHA moment”. Thank you GF…you’ve always been able to see right into my heart and soul, as only a soul sister can.

And it’s amazing how life presents you with PRESENTS just when the time is right for you to receive them, if you trust life enough to do that. Today, after a strange little journey, which never had me looking really, I stumbled across some information, and in it, the author Eckhart Tolle speaks of his own journey, and how he came to realize, (the long and the short of it) that very often there can be two of you ..the “I” and the “self”, but only one of them is real, and when he realized that, his mind stopped, and there were no more thoughts.. (yes..yes..that's me!!!....OhMyGosh..no ways!)….but what has been really profound for me, has shed some light on where I am at right now, and has meaning for all of us, is his explanation that we all have within us a “knower” and a “thinker”, and I think, that maybe after all this time on this journey of mine, I am finally trusting 100% that my 'knower' really does “know what’s best for me”, and so there’s really very little left to THINK or fret about….. sigh....to know peace is to love peace.

The pics in this post were all taken recently at the wonderful Bhowani game reserve, just 15 mins from Hillcrest. Sigh...for me, just the drive there was food for the soul.....kind of like when dogs drive with their heads out the window..slobber and all....on windy, country roads. I really really recommend you try it...an INCREDIBLE 3 course - eat as much as you like - buffet spread for R60.00 p.p, with amazing views to go with it. This is where we are going for Valentines Day, dinner and dance with our friends who are out from the UK...if you live close by - I highly recommend it!!


  1. Hi Beryldene,
    That sounds so nice...Am going to google it & see how much it is per night as we are in Durbs so it's a bit far just for dinner,lol! I know just what you mean about how you feel, I have been feeling like that myself lately. I think it happens more & more as you get older...thank goodness!

  2. thrilled you found peace my friend - all your boxes are ticked at the moment and everything is running like a smooth engine - rest and enjoy it all for it may not last for too long - as life has its weird ways of throwing us curve balls - chill and sip slowly on your fruit cocktail my friend - cause youmay need a stiff vodka in a week or two - tee hee. love you lots, linda

  3. I know how you feel - I am at peace with myself and it is wonderful.

    Enjoy your dinner!!

  4. Gf, enjoy the inner peace - you deserve it and rest easy knowing that when you need them those voices will return!

    Love you always