about me

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Married to Nick for 13 years, with 2 children; Sabrina - 12 and Dominic - 11. I am a girlfriend through and through in that I love girly things and anything that celebrates the essence of being a woman. I love vintage, shabby chic, the country and try my best to do my bit for the environment. SO yes...we have 3 bins in our house and try our best to recycle! I believe that with everything in life, the closer we stick to nature, the better off we'll be. I would love to have a balance in life, but have learnt that balance is not always possible, so strive for significance instead, in the hopes that that will be just as meaningful, and the rest will hopefully follow.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The "I" in happiness, fulfillment and significance...

TUT TUT TUT.....haven't we discussed the whole "to do list" thingie before???

Yes and the issue was - how many of us actually make a "DONE DEAL/TA DA!" list!?!?..and pat ourselves on the back, and have that marguerita - sheila?? Today I'm tackling the issue of "the list" from a different angle..

...okay so I'm lying in bed last Saturday morning with my DH...shooting the breeze - no really - it flows in, seemingly right off the valley, as it would off the sea...and I catch Oprah being interviewed on TV - yes that's right - Oprah being interviewed - not the other way around. I LOVE LOVE LOVE O! So I prop myself up on my pillow, feeling ever so "princess like" in my Hello Kitty pj's (although the hair was doing more of an Amy Winehouse - ON A BAD DAY!) and proceeded to watch one of the most honest interviews O has probably given in a long time, about her battle with her weight, and the quite unexpected diagnosis of "depression". Well blow me down with a feather - I was gobsmacked....and thinking...."girlfriend???...what happened to your mojo???"...but I also found myself saying (in my head ofcourse!! - for fear of ridicule from my DH!!)...u-huh...I SOOOO know what you mean girlfriend...I am SOOO with you on that...u-huh....really.

Even with the knowledge that depression can very often be chemical, I would, just as Oprah did, find it difficult to believe someone if they told me, that one of the richest women in the world was depressed. When you're counting your blessings on a daily basis, and keep a gratitude journal(yes that would be me!), it seems somewhat wharped doesn't it??? But when she spoke about her trainer and friend of many years, who remarked at how her eyes seemed dull and lifeless, and the spring in her step seemed to have been replaced by a slow lethargic pace, I GOT THAT!

In a nutshell, what this interview came down to, was the fact that Oprah's increase in weight over 2008, wasn't just because of her thyroid (does everything have to be about the THYROID??), but for the most part, because of the slow decline of time available for her to "fill her tank up", resulting in fatigue = poor diet = bad health = drop in self esteem = vicious cycle! As always, I could so relate to so much of what she was saying! Yes I might be stick thin - or as my friend Linnie would say "think lampost"....but people, thin don't = HAPPY. Too thick or too thin - either way, we're talking out of sync girlfriends ie. we need to find a balance - B.A.L.A.N.C.E. My disclaimer about balance though, is that there is also a theory that balance "aint never gonna happen" - at least not in this lifetime. So a different approach would be to try as best you can, and then go for SIGNIFICANCE instead. Now we're speaking my language! I have spoken to so many women in the last few weeks, who are trying to find themselves, their purpose, a balance, I can't help but feel that maybe we've lost the plot because we can't even find ourselves! It seems to have reached epidemic proportions. And as Dr John Demartini says, "When the voice and the vision on the inside, become louder and clearer than the voices and the vision on the outside,.....you've mastered your life". Beautiful. I love, love, love that.

My take (and Oprah's) on balance, and "me time" is that women are naturally caregivers - it's what we do - it's what we were designed to do! But in a modern world like ours where women have so many avenues which require us "TO DO" and "GIVE" and "ACHIEVE" (personally I blame it on those bra burning beauty's of yester-year, who by the way, according to my DH, turned out to be ...LESBIAN ANYWAY!?!?!? - like they were ever gonna have to juggle career, husbands and motherhood simultaneously?!?!), we girlfriends have forgotten to put ourselves somewhere, never mind at the top, of our "to do" lists. Now some may see this as selfish, you know - the whole "there's no I in TEAM" story, but let's not forget that we were put on this earth to live fulfilled, happy, wonderful lives, out of which joy, happiness, abundance, inspiration and love are supposed to SPILL OVER (NOT POUR INTO) the lives of others. So there may not be an I in TEAM, but there is one in "happiness", "fulfilled" AND SIGNIFICANCE. I don't see how that can happen when the glass is half empty - or even HALF full! Work with me here - half is still half girlfriends.

At least ONCE a day we have to be somewhere on that to do list, and my thinking is, it has to be an affair of note! Not just a measly slap-dash 20 mins. of time, but something that really fills you up, and has "because you're worth it" written ALL OVER IT (in bling - BLUSH)!! Full of pomp and ceremony - all hip and happening! Be SMUG if you have to be, but BE! - For example, it may require extreme measures like (wife to husband) "Yep that's right - for sure I'm putting my FAT BUTT on the couch to watch Mc Dreamy, BECAUSE i CAN...(smiling) and I'm worth it! - u-huh...so you toodle off, and do that thing that you men or kids do, and remove yourself from my circle - just for a while, and unless someone has DIED - don't call me, I'll call you...sweetheart". Seriously? Seriously. If you're a wuss, or perhaps you subscribe to the "Women's handguide of how to please the family - from the 60's", then maybe you should try the more subtle approach, by adding a bit of pizazz to some of the everyday things you do, like....

- shower by candlelight with french music in the background and take 5 mins to add those smellies at the end

- give yourself a mani or a pedi - or get falsies

- dress to kill on the odd day - or at least dress up instead of down

- bath in rose petals or lavender

- have tea in pretty rose teacups - teacosy and all

- let your family serve you at the dinner table for a change (sorry but just when were we born into slavery???), and if you don't ask you won't get, and if they dont think you're worth it - EISH call a family meeting!!...and if you don't think you're worth it - get REAL!

- cook YOUR favourite dish for a change

- plant some beautiful seedlings and spend some quiet time enjoying your garden! - ask Candice it's SO worth it!

- sleep in your strand of pearls (preferrably short to avoid strangulation!)

- and when all else is said and done, if being the heart of the home at all times, and acts of service, and dying to self for others is what does fill you up, then you GO GIRL! - whatever, blows your hair back...

The photo above is relevant to me, because it reminds me of a time or a season, when being part of 4 legs of a table, and having a bratz sticker on the back of my car, filled me up in a big way, and gave me plenty of "me" time.... thank you And's for taking me back to that time today, when it truly was one of the summers of my life.....


  1. Gf where did you learn to write.....all those years of hanging out with motivational speakers has certainly rubbed off on you!

    Your words never cease to lift me and I am so with you on "me" time....fortunately (well for me at least) I am a totally selfish cow and have been insisting on my time for years and feel nothing of spending 40 mins in a bubble bath reading my book and topping the hot water up using my toes while my family is downstairs causing chaos - hell who is awake with said family in the middle of the night and cooks and cleans for them - damn I am worth it and I have thought so for a very long time.....just waiting for the rest of the house to catch up (lol).

    People often say to me "I just don't know where you find the time read/blog/play with your photos/scrap (you choose)- I find it because I make it and I insist on it....I realised years ago that if my tank is empty so am I - after a battle with post natal depression I promised myself I would never go there again and one of the ways I make sure that doesn't happen is to treat myself like someone I love and to be kind to me every now and then....so that is where I find the time, and my dh and children are actually more then happy to give it to me.

    WRT that table gf, I think it was a magnificent season in all our lives (talking as one of the other legs), a long beautiful indian summer where we did take time for ourselves and for each other....I miss arriving at your house with roses and small pressies that just kept screaming at me that they had to be yours.....you are one in a million Bee and will always be vital in holding up my world!


  2. Oh Beryldene ... you have such a unique talent in letting your words be inspiration in itself, to whoever reads them. Thank you for reminding me to make ME-time a priority on a daily basis so that my inner voices can quiet the outer voices. Thanks for such inspiration going into Easter 2009. You are a real gem. Hugs from Desire

  3. Thanks for such a wonderful and inspirational post. I have also been asked by people how I manage to do all the things that I do, and I have also said that I make the time. If you don't you will never achiever anything for yourself. As a women, you can't be doing everything for everyone else, you need YOUR time.

    You should write inspirational columns for a magazine or newspaper - people will be waiting in anticipation for the next series.