about me

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Married to Nick for 13 years, with 2 children; Sabrina - 12 and Dominic - 11. I am a girlfriend through and through in that I love girly things and anything that celebrates the essence of being a woman. I love vintage, shabby chic, the country and try my best to do my bit for the environment. SO yes...we have 3 bins in our house and try our best to recycle! I believe that with everything in life, the closer we stick to nature, the better off we'll be. I would love to have a balance in life, but have learnt that balance is not always possible, so strive for significance instead, in the hopes that that will be just as meaningful, and the rest will hopefully follow.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

YOU first!

Have you ever felt like a shadow of your former self?? Never quite thought of it in that many words myself, but I’ve been to that place… Earlier this week I spent some quality time with one of my FAVOURITE people, and what came up in discussion was that feeling I'm sure we've all had at times, of being "a shadow of your former self".... and I could so relate!

I don’t think I’d ever really thought of it in those words per se, but this person just put it so perfectly! Now I know Moms out there will understand this, but for me, motherhood was a huge turning point in my life, and more so because it was a huge contributing factor to me feeling this way….possibly because I have taken this role so seriously, as we all do, but I had forgotten that you can still be serious about something, and not allow it to be “all consuming”. How can you not let motherhood be all consuming you may ask? …and I need to add here…especially if you’re a control freak or suffer from obsessive compulsive behaviour??...Well I’m certainly no psychologist, but my downfall was having SUCH set ideas on what I would and wouldn’t do, and routine, and about LETTING my kids be the best they could be…sorry??...did I just say letting???…(cough…) well maybe it was (sheepish??)…ahem…pushing….?...just a little? …eek…. , and then worst of all, sticking to all of it. But let’s be honest, we’re all pushing for something, or someone – whether it’s a career, or a friendship, or marriage, or our children, or to be the perfect domestic Goddess (God willing, yes please LORD!?), we all have something that demands a lot from us and consumes us, and if it’s serving you and your life, and you feel more alive than you ever have before, that’s great!...But what if it’s not??

Going back to my experience as a mother…within myself, not letting up, and LIGHTENING up, particularly where the kids were concerned when they were younger, made me my own worst enemy, so I’ve really started TRYING to adopt the attitude that it’s not about GETTING, but more about LETTING…. instead of getting it done, maybe where possible, LETTING it happen. Over the last year, some of you who’ve followed my blog since it started will know, that I’ve really been on the journey of finding the authentic me, and part of that came about, when I realized that there were fleeting moments, that can best be described as a flashback, that resembled the OLD me, and I missed those parts of me, or my life! I like the fact that I can be seriously off the wall sometimes and do crazy things..like dance on the N3 in a traffic jam, to ABBA...HOLD ME BACK!!!!!...and why not, I'm a mother and wife, NOT DEAD, or A NUN!! Those are some of the best parts of me, and I need them to make up for all the ..."NOT so best parts of me!!!"....

What I am starting to realise about the journey of rediscovering yourself, or redefining who you are, or reinventing yourself – or whatever else they call it at …well …OUR age LOL!...is this:- when you’re feeling like a shadow of your former self, you really need to spend the time with YOU to ask some critical questions, like how and why you got here in the first place, and where you’re going (well defined, written out GOALS PEOPLE!!), and who is the real you anyway, and what you like and don’t like about that person, and what you want to get out of the journey. And sometimes (and this is quite important I think) it’s not always the best thing, or even possible, to reclaim all of who you were before, because it may not serve your life now, but being you FIRST, before you’re anything to anyone else is just …..well….what God would want for you, if you’re a Christian, or if you’re esoteric, getting in touch with your DIVINE self. But irrespective of what you believe in, it’s essential to living your best life I think, and being the best version of you. :-)This pic probably best personifies my "off the wall" traits....if I was an "ethnic" girlfriend, and my name was Thembi....I would SO wear these shoes :-)...because they're different, because I want to, and because I CAN! ..(giggle...my husband agrees)


  1. Over the years, I always did what needed to be done to satisfy lots of others - kind of did things to please others. But one day when I was injured and defied the doctor and went a did a 50km walk, someone said to me that I was being selfish in what I did as others would have to look after me if I ever could not walk. This got me thinking and I said to myself that I was living for myself and not for everyone else. If I was available for them, then that was a bonus.

    Looking back, I liked my former self as at the time I was suitable and fitted the moment. I like my current self as I have grown, and still have the "young at heart" feelings - I can so relate to dancing on the N3 to ABBA!!

    My family have got me, but must also realise that I am a person and if they are not doing something for me, then I have to do it for myself!

  2. Oh wow, Bee, you are certainly on the same wavelength as me - I have just been talking about this very same thing with two of my girlfriends this last week - I too, feel like a SHADOW at times ...

    What the hell is that all about???

    I like me - I AM crazy - I remain true to me - I love being a mom - I adore my husband and he adores me - I am blessed in so many areas of my life

    BUT I slap myself upside the head way too often feeling as though I am "failing" myself and those around me ... why??

    I also feel as though I am kind of looking into in my life rather than being in my life ... make sense???

    No!!! I need to take control ... or give back control - I'm confused ...

    You know what, I can only be ME - that's who I know how to be ...

    Thanks for all the inspiration with the Charmed Life Principles and for allowing us to see the REAL you ... I can soooo relate ...

    BTW, I have tagged you on my blog - Please take a look - no pressure - only if you're in the mood today ...

    Love, Tracy

  3. wow, was sure I had commented on those shoes...they go down with the barbie brollie and the hello kitty shirt!