YOU first!

Have you ever felt like a shadow of your former self?? Never quite thought of it in that many words myself, but I’ve been to that place… Earlier this week I spent some quality time with one of my FAVOURITE people, and what came up in discussion was that feeling I'm sure we've all had at times, of being "a shadow of your former self".... and I could so relate!

I don’t think I’d ever really thought of it in those words per se, but this person just put it so perfectly! Now I know Moms out there will understand this, but for me, motherhood was a huge turning point in my life, and more so because it was a huge contributing factor to me feeling this way….possibly because I have taken this role so seriously, as we all do, but I had forgotten that you can still be serious about something, and not allow it to be “all consuming”. How can you not let motherhood be all consuming you may ask? …and I need to add here…especially if you’re a control freak or suffer from obsessive compulsive behaviour??...Well I’m certainly no psychologist, but my downfall was having SUCH set ideas on what I would and wouldn’t do, and routine, and about LETTING my kids be the best they could be…sorry??...did I just say letting???…(cough…) well maybe it was (sheepish??)…ahem…pushing….?...just a little? …eek…. , and then worst of all, sticking to all of it. But let’s be honest, we’re all pushing for something, or someone – whether it’s a career, or a friendship, or marriage, or our children, or to be the perfect domestic Goddess (God willing, yes please LORD!?), we all have something that demands a lot from us and consumes us, and if it’s serving you and your life, and you feel more alive than you ever have before, that’s great!...But what if it’s not??

Going back to my experience as a mother…within myself, not letting up, and LIGHTENING up, particularly where the kids were concerned when they were younger, made me my own worst enemy, so I’ve really started TRYING to adopt the attitude that it’s not about GETTING, but more about LETTING…. instead of getting it done, maybe where possible, LETTING it happen. Over the last year, some of you who’ve followed my blog since it started will know, that I’ve really been on the journey of finding the authentic me, and part of that came about, when I realized that there were fleeting moments, that can best be described as a flashback, that resembled the OLD me, and I missed those parts of me, or my life! I like the fact that I can be seriously off the wall sometimes and do crazy things..like dance on the N3 in a traffic jam, to ABBA...HOLD ME BACK!!!!!...and why not, I'm a mother and wife, NOT DEAD, or A NUN!! Those are some of the best parts of me, and I need them to make up for all the ..."NOT so best parts of me!!!"....

What I am starting to realise about the journey of rediscovering yourself, or redefining who you are, or reinventing yourself – or whatever else they call it at …well …OUR age LOL!...is this:- when you’re feeling like a shadow of your former self, you really need to spend the time with YOU to ask some critical questions, like how and why you got here in the first place, and where you’re going (well defined, written out GOALS PEOPLE!!), and who is the real you anyway, and what you like and don’t like about that person, and what you want to get out of the journey. And sometimes (and this is quite important I think) it’s not always the best thing, or even possible, to reclaim all of who you were before, because it may not serve your life now, but being you FIRST, before you’re anything to anyone else is just …..well….what God would want for you, if you’re a Christian, or if you’re esoteric, getting in touch with your DIVINE self. But irrespective of what you believe in, it’s essential to living your best life I think, and being the best version of you. :-)This pic probably best personifies my "off the wall" traits....if I was an "ethnic" girlfriend, and my name was Thembi....I would SO wear these shoes :-)...because they're different, because I want to, and because I CAN! ..(giggle...my husband agrees)