about me

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Married to Nick for 13 years, with 2 children; Sabrina - 12 and Dominic - 11. I am a girlfriend through and through in that I love girly things and anything that celebrates the essence of being a woman. I love vintage, shabby chic, the country and try my best to do my bit for the environment. SO yes...we have 3 bins in our house and try our best to recycle! I believe that with everything in life, the closer we stick to nature, the better off we'll be. I would love to have a balance in life, but have learnt that balance is not always possible, so strive for significance instead, in the hopes that that will be just as meaningful, and the rest will hopefully follow.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Doing what counts...

I'm writing this post from my precious Grandmother's bedside in Cape Town. The view from her bed is a picture: majestic mountains, beautiful roses, trees showered in autumn colours, and a delightful little house with a tin roof. I love that that's what she sees when she's awake. I'm saddened by the fact that she will never again truly experience being in it, or the smell of it, or feel grass under her feet. But nonetheless, the magic of nature is that even just seeing it, can revive the soul. This morning, inbetween the short conversation her fragility allows, we sat in silence at times, holding hands, taking it all in, me forever trying to etch these moments and memories of our time together, deep into my mind heart and mind.

As a wife and mother, even though I am fully aware of the responsibilities I leave behind by taking these trips, they all seem to pale in significance, compared with that of me spending every last moment I possibly can, here with this person i love so dearly. It's never easy to leave the role of wife and mother behind, but there are times in life, where you need to be able to be the grandaughter, or sister, or daughter 100% so you can make it count. The way I see it is, if my children can't cope without me for a few days, then I truly have failed them as a mother. I love that this time away encourages them to draw on their independence, and most importantly, appreciate that life doesn't always revolve around ourselves only. I could never even begin to put into words, the impact and influence my Gran has had on me and my life, so these last few weeks of her life have had me constantly questioning, what else could be more important than being by her side. Up until 6 weeks ago, she has ALWAYS been the person I could turn to for perspective, guidance, a should to cry on, or to share a few laughs with,......because she knows my heart, always has, always will.........

I'm finding it extremely hard to accept that I cannot change this situation, fix it, delay it or reinvent it. Instead, my options are to be in it and endure it. When big things are happening in my life, I tend to "zone in on the crisis", which makes it difficult to focus on the rest. But I've made a conscious decision to be okay with that.

This time with Gran, is for me a gift from my DH, who in my absence not only has to deal with the stress of running a business, but take control of everything else that would generally be handled by me {which is a lot!! - even if i say so myself :-) }... . I love and appreciate that he has been selfless and allowed me this time, to do what really counts....be the grandaughter to someone really special, for as long possible.


  1. Phenominal Post my Friend...... thinking of you Love Ronds

  2. You're in the right place, Bee ... good for you!! Sorry that you're going through such a sad time - my heart is with you ...

    Love, Tracy G

  3. Sorry to hear about your gran, but happy that you are able to spend real quality time with her when she really needs it most. Enjoy these precious moments and they will be memories you can treasure for ever.

  4. never easy to walk in these situations - but well done my friend for being true to it all - its raw its hard its pure hell on earth yet you are still able to see it for what it is - carpe diem !!!! plasters are good as you can get to the wound to check on the reality of how bad it is bandages cover it all up and you are tricked into believing it isnt that bad when it really is....love you lots and praying BIG TIME